For my beer drinking Friends

Winding Down

I need to clean. The laundry is going. Room has been made for the things I brought home from mom's. I still need to go and get the last few things saved for me. I am sitting here wondering where the pictures are that I had at the funeral home.
I am off to change the sheets on the beds and scrub down the bathroom. Take inventory of what is in the fridge, because I asked Jim,Donna,Jordan,Rich,and Cathy over for lunch.
If you know where the 2 framed pictures of the 'Berglund Kids' are, let me know. I have a blank spot on the wall that they go on.

IN MEMORIAM

VILORA VIRGINA HORN BERGLUND
BORN: SEPTEMBER 7, 1926
DIED: DECEMBER 20, 2009

Christmas Dinner

Add festive table setting picture of happy family sitting around huge dining room table overflowing with food....
I am up early because I am afraid there isn't enough food prepared. I have 2 large platters of lasagna ready to put in the oven. I have a huge pot of spaghetti sauce ready to heat up. Snack crackers/cheese. Finger foods galore. Cake and breads. Salads, salads and more salads. Plus I plan on going and raiding mom's kitchen. I should be worried about where is everyone going to sit. Or how to teach everyone to avoid Cola.
I don't know that my house is clean enough for company. Where is everyone going to park once they get here. I wish I had more than one bathroom.
I am tired. We have been going full bore with getting everyone here for a funeral. Making sure there are enough places to stay. No toes are stepped on in regards to who might want what of moms. Just Christmas and all its trappings...presents? And should I make sure everyone gets a present...miss got rocks - I am not. Then my youngest brother has a birthday on Christmas and we are planning a surprise birthday. Then help planning of a funeral the day after Feliz Navidad. Obit? check. Folders? check. Flowers? check. Speaker? check. Place to meet and food for that? check. Nervous that I am forgetting something. Trying to remember every minute of every day that I am one of 7 here and there is lots of help. Trying to remember this is a time of love and forgiveness. Trying so hard to be strong and quiet as I sob into my hands in a darkened room. I am just a little tired but I have much to do.
Merry Christmas. Love is 'actually' all around.

MOM's KIDS

This is my family. The little grey haired lady in the center of this bunch is my mother. She was an interesting soul with a will of iron. She was forever cooking up some event to get all of us to come home. Sometimes it worked. We would all come dragging in for a party of some sort. Which we called 'Virginia's Command Performance' event. It was a pain in the ass but once the fun began, it usually turned out just fine.
But this last event knocked us all for a loop. Mom also had a secretive side, she liked surprising us with company coming. What she did not let us know is, she was leaving and had been planning this for sometime. She almost got away with it, but for the ones still living in town. It was by chance that we got to be with her on the start of her journey to her new home.
So we all gather one more time; Virgina's Command Performance Funeral. There will be lots of laughter because that is way she would have wanted it.

Getting ready

I hope most of what we did today does not result in stepping on any toes. I think of it as doing the basics. Lists were made, phone calls were relayed, equipment picked up, drugs disposed of, papers were located. Information is going to investigated.
Right now I am doing mom's laundry. I cleaned as best as I could at her apartment. But what with people in and out, it is going to get dusty. Cleaned and threw away things. Why would mom save the heels of the loaves of bread? Magazines? Dozens were hauled down to the lobby. I emptied the containers in the fridge. I would change the sheets on her bed, but she never slept in it. Found lots of pictures tucked in the oddest of places. And junk premiums from buying books? She had a collection of silverware going. Found some stuff I remember from my grandma's house.
What a walk down memory lane. I am tired and waiting for Carla to get here. There is still lots to do but I am handing off the baton, my part of this race is almost done.
The funeral is going to be on Saturday at Potters, 10am. I don't know if there will be anything afterward, don't know.
How am I doing? I am holding up. I am too busy.

I can't sleep

I am having a difficult time getting to sleep, it is well passed midnight. I feel there is so much to do and I don't know where to start. Why? You see my mom died tonight. It is all so surreal. Mom was quickly drifting away. I had heard things for sometime. Losing weight, hospice, and all the trappings that go with that. But I stayed away as I was want to do. I have been avoiding mom for the last 10 years. The woman drove me crazy. Typical mother daughter relationship, but Virginia seemed far worse. When dad died I had such a grudge against her. Why? She didn't have anything to do with it, but I always felt she could have been a little nicer while he was dieing. Too much to ask? Certainly. Then Rocky died. I just could not be around her. Everything she said hurt me. My skin was tissue thin. But I always made the effort to decorate the little tree she had for Christmas. I use to make Christmas candy with mom back in the day. Fudge, divinity, and few cookies and breads. We would hang out in the kitchen all day flipping each other shit for the upcoming holiday.
This Saturday, I went over to mom's apartment. She was fast asleep and did not know who I was. I got her up and made her coffee. Put on some Christmas music and brought out the decorations. While she ate her toast and took her pills. I sang and decorated the tree. She told me she had lots of visitors the day before. Her mom and dad came to visit, as well as Royce and Ellen. Both her folks are dead and Ellen and Royce live out of state. She then told me she wasn't crazy. No, I agreed. I said that I thought she was lucky to see those people. I spent over an hour with her making sure she was settled for the day. I hugged her and told her that I loved her.
Today, Mel my niece found mom slumped over in her chair. Complaining about hurting and nausea. The hospice nurse and my brother Richard was called. The nurse gave mom a morphine shot for pain. Then told Rich that mom's body was deteriorating and preparing to die. He then called me to call in the troops. And I did, I warned everyone to expect the worse. But I didn't know how soon anything would happen. And I certainly didn't think tonight would be the night. We sat and watched mom drift in and out. She felt no pain. I wasn't comfortable with leaving mom there by herself. I wanted her in the hospital, I wanted her to be comfortable and have someone on hand to help her go potty. I didn't feel qualified to babysit such an ill person, mom was so incredibly fragile. I urged Richard to call an ambulance. We all talked about it and decided it was the right thing to do.
The EMTs were confused as to why we called them as she is a DNR. And they save people. Our thinking was get her in to the hospital for safe keeping until we could get her into the nursing home. The doctor on call examined mom and told us that bringing her into the hospital voided the hospice contract. I told her that I didn't care. The doctor went back in to make sure all the paperwork/politics were taken care of. Less than 20 minutes went by when the doctor rushed back out, there were only a few minutes left. Mom was dieing. Rich and I ran to mom. We were there when she passed, I told her that it was okay to go. That we would all be fine. That she would be fine, that to tell dad and Rocky hello for me. She took a few more breathes then lay still.
I am exhausted.

Fractured Faery Tales

The next topic I learned in school and for some reason it has rolled around in the back of my head like the rest of my loose marbles. I trot it out every once in a while and look at it. So here goes; a long time ago think between the two world wars, goods were built to last. It was not unheard of for a washer and dryer lasting 25 to 30 years - think Maytag. And those things were for the most part built here in America. Pride in the product. Then time went on and we were told to 'look for the union label'. People worked cradle to grave in their family factory, retired with a gold watch. Era was full of antiquated items. Why buy a new vacuum cleaner when the old one works just fine? Then a idea was born; build shoddy product. NEW AND IMPROVED was born. This idea spread like wild fire. Parts for the old product were misplaced or made with shoddy materials, plus lets put a high price on those parts. Lets advertise shiny and new. America started getting lazy, don't bother fixing this...I want new. The throw away era was born. Some greedy brazen college graduate saw opportunity in buying parts built in 3rd world countries. Now putting poor people to work is a good thing, one? education of a sort. But there were no child labor laws, safety laws, no minimum wage. We could bring in this crap put it on American made stuff and still call it 'Made in America'. And we as consumers allowed this, we were getting less expensive product to buy. We were keeping the economy rolling. We were developing poor countries...we were getting fat and lazy. This went on for a while, then? An even younger more brasher fast rising college group came on the scene. Why not set up factories in those countries and shut down the ones here? We can quit paying people here their huge wages and pay those poor poor people in that dirty little country, pennies. It is our humanitarian duty. BUT? Let's not do this all at once... a little at time. Really no one will notice. And no one did until it was too late. Now we have token factories that build their product on American soil. People head to these places and take pictures like it is a national monument...and it is.
There is no 'they lived happily ever after'. Change I am told is awful but necessary. the end

MY EYES....MY EYES!!!!!!!